Category Archives: Funnies

Vocabulary

After almost 6 months of KEM I have picked up a few typical medical college youngster words, which have begun contaminating my non medico conversations with non medico people.

Manjan (Hindi/Marathi)…meaning a headache or a great botheration.

eg. “Woh houseman bahut manjan hain yaar…. ”

“Yeh kaam matlab ek manjan hain”

Batti (Hindi/Marathi)….batti is something you get. Its nothing but getting scolded for any or no reason.

eg. “Abhi mera senior muze batti dega. Kya manjan Admi hain re woh”

“Yeh kaam nahi hua to batti milegi yaar”

Watch out for more…..

Amusing and Musing

Mid Day Boy
There is a boy I often see on the train who sells Mid-Day. He hops on the train, shouts “Mi de Mi De, tsk tsk”…..”Mi de, Mi de..tsk tsk”. He has a ‘eager+ forlorn+ anxious to jump out of the First Class ASAP’ expression on his face. Suddenly I got an urge to buy Mid day from him (Mid Day is something I buy only on impulse, or unless my Ajji (gran) is home. She HAS to have the crossword or she gets bored sitting at home all day). So he got in at Khar and I took a paper…started hunting my wallet for change. The train was about to leave and TC was on the train. So the guy said,
“Baad me sandaas me akey dena…”

I said “Huh, aye ruk….” He had long left the train, and the train had left the station. I keep feeling bad for not having paid the fellow, and befuddled by the toilet bit till Santa Cruz arrived and I realised I heard him wrong. He had said…“Santa Cruz mein main ayega to dena….”

Professional Secrecy
Now I know why professional secrecy is such an important legal issue in Medicine. Today in the Gyn OPD came a patient whose name I will obviously not mention. She was married and in Gyn you have to ask the patient a lot of personal questions…like time since marriage, about miscarriages, contraceptive use and so on. The lady started giving her history by telling me that she had been married since 5 years but her in laws had cheated them so she and her husband had had no physical relationship whatsoever. In her words, he had still not ‘broken into her’. I was shocked. Not as much by that fact as much by the realisation that without having known me at all that lady had confided a very personal, a very serious matter in me. I am still dazed…..

The Great Indian Habit

Jara sa or little bit is such a popular word of the Indian man’s jargon. Like when they cook, they always put jara sa hing or haldi or whatever. My jara sa never matches with that golden standard jara sa I feel, hence when I cook, the haldi hing and salt are either jara sa excess or jara sa less..or maybe jara sa more would be fine….huh

Or when I miss meeting the head of the unit for the coveted signature and posting completion I am always jara sa late.

The other day in the casualty at around 2 am came a patient with a nasty laterated wound on the scalp, outcome of a fall.
I am not going to translate the rest, won’t be as much fun….

Me, “Vomitting vagera hua?”

“Haan, jara sa.”

Me, “Chakkar aya kay?”

“Haan, jara sa.”

Me, “Kahi aur laga kya?”

“Haan idhar udhar jara sa laga”

Me, “Behosh hua tha kya?”

“Haan, jara saa hua…..”

Me, “AREY, JARA SA BEHOSH KYA HOTA HAIN??!!!….HUA KI NAHIN??”

“Haan matlab hua……..”

To Choose Or Not To Is The Dilemma


Go to the market, try shopping for a …say bottle of shampoo and then tell me, do you really believe its fun having so many choices? Has our life improved by these?

First the dilemma of the brand. I decided I would pick looking at the company….hmnn P&G is good, so is HLL, hmnn and so are many others…..Plus one company has more than one brand. Uh..

Ok now you narrow down to particular brand based on any considerations….price or whatever (I go by the appearance or even the fragrance at times..heh heh. Makes a funny site in a store…a looney girl sniffing into shampoo bottles. Thats why I like shopping at less crowded hours). but the confusion doesn’t end here.

Which one of the many types now….hmnn lets see now is my hair just dry? Or is it dull and dry? Or dry and damaged? Dry and frizzy?? I guess all of the above options….oh but I also need volume, bounce and shine….oh is there one which combines all the goodies?? And the strength……too. Plus not to mention the split ends…(By now my head is split too) Plus just the shaft is dry….the scalp is like an oil mine in the middle east.

Lets go by the contents. Egg is good for the hair..lets buy this one. But isn’t olive oil good too? And wheatgerm? And lemon? And Rose hips? uh rose hips? REALLY? Amla? Oh ya my granny will swear by that one. Water of xxx spring? Oh now where else will my hair get THAT?

By the end of it I want to pull out my hair. But that will defeat the purpose of buying a nice shampoo. Probably I should buy a strengtening shampoo. So that my urge (or anybody else’s) to pull out my hair won’t be successful.

So by the time I have purchased a bottle I know that

  1. I have wasted too much time
  2. I must try all the bottles in the range and chose the best amongst them.
  3. I am missing on MANY other nice herbs and whatevers for my hair by choosing the bottle I have chosen.
  4. I DON’T HAVE PRETTY HAIR….waaaaahhhhhhhh.

The Girlfriend

Ya , like the movies or those forwards you get I too like to trouble my dear Nagesh by twisting words and taking meanings he never meant out of many things he says…and when he wars his befuddled plus mad expression I like to laugh naughtily….sadist me….

One fine day
N, “You know most girls I have seen have a backup….they see one guy and have a backup in case that doesn’t work well”

V, “Oh ya?? When I was seeing you I didn’t have a backup..”

N, “Well I say most girls….those typical types you know…..”

V, “Elaborate…”

N, “Those typical girls who bother a lot about their external beauty and those …..” with a slight tinge of MCPsm

V, “You mean I don’t take care of my external beauty?? You mean to stay I stay sloppy!!”

N, “No what I meant is that you don’t need to….” a cute smile flashed at me…..

N and V break into laughter…..I love troubling him this way. He too always has a diplomatic answer for me.

One Day on the phone
V pulling N’s leg, “We do not belong to the same generation……I am of a younger generation” (FYI V is 23 and N is 28)

N, “No…you are so of my age…..you look and seem so mature”

V, “You mean to say I look 28!!! No I most certainly don’t! In fact I look less than 23”

N, “No I mean you are so mature…I like mature girls”…..probably flashed the cute smile but I didn’t see…..

V, “Heh heh I know….but I love troubling you this way!”

Many more mad conversations like this…will have to keep updating this post when I remember!!

Look Who’s Following Me……


A lot of animals troubling me these days…some horses ahem trojan horses attacked my PC…just when I yanked myself free from those that I landed amidst some canines. The Hutch puppy has been following me like mad…..

First some executives landed home. Incidentally the same day Mom had decided to go billing from prepaid. So for a change I entertained them. Since I didn’t have the necessary documents Now co incidentally the same day I had called up hutch to send to my mom a represenatative of theirs to help my mom go billing. That person too landed up at her office. So now there are two groups of hutch puppies trying to wag their forms at me….sigh. And Mom has already commited to one and me to the other. Now I am trying to get the ones I took the forms from off my back.

Also I am now with a female co-intern whom I would love to call a “she dog” (you get me, don’t ya?!) ..more so ON HER FACE. That lady lied and cheated me into doing some work delegated on the both of us and tried to scoot. Alas she was given a more irritating and a nuttier job….*evil laughter*…..serves her right. Jhoot bole kauwa katey!!

Russian Tonsillectomy

So today while I was sitting in the side room of the OT, killing time and worrying like mad about many things including PG exam, my preparation (or rather the lack of it…why would I worry otherwise?) the sick AMO of Cooper etc Dr. Hindolkar, unit head of surgery walked in with his gang. And after the usual talking about PG exams, reservations, etc he started telling us all and Dr. Bhargava about people removing appendices via the stomach for people who want no scars on their abdomen. Or removal of thyroid by laparoscopic techniques and more such fascinating surgical developments. Dr. Samir Bhargava is a famous ENT surgeon who has also written a text book I used for ENT in final MBBS. So while Dr. Hindolkar was amazing us with these facts Dr. Bhargava chipped in,

“In Russia they remove the tonsils via the rectal approach……..
…………as you are not allowed to open your mouth in Russia!!!”

For the uninitaited….tonsils lie inside your mouth….open your mouth…stick out the tongue…aahhh there they are!

Erratica!!….it was Dr. Kamat who we were talking to….not Dr. Hindolkar. Since I have never seen both before I mistook one for the other