Funny Patients

When you sit in the emergency medical services…better known as EMS or Ward 20 of KEM, many funny incidents take place there. Let me get myself clear..Here I do not intend to make fun of the patients or their ilnesses but somethings they do and say are just too funny to be left in some corner of my brain and forgotten.

RAT MAN #1
On any given day, during any given shift there are atleast 2-3 cases of poisoning, mostly suicidal, in the EMS. So one fine day (actually one fine evening) came a man who consumed rat poison for some reason. Now unlike some poisons, rat poison has no specific antidote. The treatment is mainly removal of unabsorbed poison from the stomach by emesis that is, forced vomitting by giving the patient extremely salty water….

So the staff nurse gave him a bin to vomit in and a jug of super salty water. The fellow had a glass of the concoction and puked a bit. Then he stopped having it at all. We all were instructing him to have more. He pulled a face and yelled out to the staff nurse,
“Thoda namak kam dalte the to chalta thaa…”
(Putting a little less salt wouldn’t hurt)

Pat came the reply from the seasoned lady,
“Yeh kya nimbu paani hain kyaa?….namak shakkar ki bat karta hain”
(You think I am giving you lemon juice?)

The patient was told to get admitted but after having just a glass of the solution he ran away and didn’t get admitted.

AMBA-BAI #2

One girl was brought to the EMS at night by her friend. The girl said she had consumed a bottle of baygon. A naso-gastric tube (a tube to empty the stomach, put via nostril) was put in and gastric lavage was performed (stomach wash). The gastric contents did not smell of Baygon AT ALL…infact they looked strangely yellow. On asking her if she really had taken any poison, she replied she had had one whole bottle of Baygon worth Rs.90.
“Why do you stomach contents look so yellow then?”

She replied,
“Maine socha….khali pet davai kaise khaneki..to pehle maine do aam khaye aur phir Baygon Piya”
(I thought, how can I take any poison on an empty stomach, so I first had two mangoes and then I drank the poison)

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5 responses to “Funny Patients

  1. lol..damn funny! šŸ™‚

  2. very funny and well written.keep wriing

  3. Hmm strange gastronomic habits of poison consumers :-).. I dont know whether he liked the bitter taste of poison as compared to the salinity of water!

    Ahh mangoes with baygon.. perhaps the lady wanted pest-free mangoes šŸ™‚

  4. mango+baygon must make one potent brew. šŸ˜€

  5. strange connection!
    rat-man-go. ‘man’ is so versatile!

    btw, your patients seem to be very particular about their food!

    i mean the first guy doesn’t mind rat poison, but objects to excess salt! man, that’s a guy with messed up priorities!

    and then the girl… what, is baygon a part of her balanced high-protein diet!?

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